When Your Mind Fails, and You Don’t Know Why
There is a kind of exhaustion that sleep does not fix when your mind fails you.
It goes far beyond feeling tired after a long day or needing a weekend to recover from a stressful week. It is the kind of extreme exhaustion that begins affecting your thoughts, your body, your emotions, and eventually even your sense of purpose.
For more than a decade, that was my life.
I lived with chronic fatigue, overwhelming brain fog, painful joints, difficulty concentrating, and a level of mental exhaustion that sometimes made me wonder whether something was seriously wrong with my mind.
There were moments when I genuinely wondered if my body was shutting down.
When Brain Fog Becomes Frightening
People sometimes use the term ‘brain fog’ casually, but severe brain fog can be frightening when you are the one experiencing it.
I would know what I wanted to say, yet I could not get the words to come together correctly. I could have a sentence in my mind and struggle to communicate it out loud.
That was when the fear started creeping in.
I wondered whether I could be experiencing early-onset dementia. I wondered whether my mind was beginning to fail me. There were moments when I even wondered whether I was dying.
When unexplained fatigue and cognitive problems continue month after month or year after year, fear can become almost as exhausting as the physical symptoms themselves.
You begin watching yourself.
- Why did I forget that?
- Why can’t I concentrate?
- Why can’t I find that word?
- Why does something that used to be simple now feel so difficult?
I didn’t understand what was happening, and not having answers made everything feel even heavier.
Chronic Fatigue Was Affecting My Entire Life
The mental exhaustion was only part of the problem.
My body hurt.
My joints became so painful at times that I kept one cane upstairs and another downstairs because I never knew when I might need help walking.
This was not ordinary tiredness. Chronic exhaustion made my entire body feel heavy. Getting out of bed could feel overwhelming. Preparing something to eat could seem like a major project when I had almost no energy available.
Simple daily activities began requiring energy I simply did not have.
At the same time, I was struggling with weight that seemed determined not to move regardless of what I tried. I changed diets, tried supplements, adjusted routines, and kept pushing myself to find something that would help.
For years, my weight moved back and forth between approximately 167 and 183 pounds.
I could lose some weight and then regain it. I would make progress and suddenly find myself right back where I started.
My body felt stuck.
My mind felt stuck.
Eventually, I began to feel as though my entire life had become stuck.
Then My Health Became Even Worse
About two months before an eventual turning point in my life, I developed a serious lung infection.
I had been cleaning my basement, where there was a large amount of dust, evidence of mice, and mold on the cement walls. Soon afterward, my breathing became extremely difficult, and there went all of my strength, yet again.
For three days, I could barely get out of bed.
My son asked me whether I had been eating, and the truth was that I had not. I did not have enough strength to get up and prepare food.
He brought me a cheeseburger, and I remember being incredibly grateful for something so simple.
Unfortunately, the breathing problems and infection did not disappear after those three days. The health struggle continued for weeks and then months.
By that point, I felt as though my body was finally giving up.
What Chronic Exhaustion Can Take From You
One of the hardest parts of prolonged physical exhaustion is that eventually it begins affecting more than your health.
It can begin stealing pieces of your life.
I stopped writing.
I stopped creating.
I stopped dreaming the way I once had.
I stopped making videos.
These were things that were deeply important to me, yet I did not have the physical or mental energy to continue doing them.
When you live with chronic fatigue, severe brain fog, joint pain, low energy, and ongoing health struggles, your world can slowly become smaller. Activities you once enjoyed start disappearing because all your strength is being used simply trying to function.
For me, that eventually began affecting my sense of purpose.
God had placed things inside me that I wanted to create and share, but I reached a point where I felt disconnected from almost everything.
God had told me to rest in Him, and yet somewhere inside that season of exhaustion, I felt as though I had lost contact with the woman I used to be.
That loss was incredibly painful.
When Your Purpose Feels Out of Reach
There is a connection between your physical health and your ability to engage fully with your life.
When your body is exhausted, your mind can become exhausted. When your mind is overwhelmed, things that once gave you joy may begin feeling impossible.
Eventually, even your purpose can feel distant.
I remember praying:
“Lord, I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to keep going. But please help me.”
Sometimes faith during a health struggle does not look like having strong answers or feeling spiritually powerful.
Sometimes faith is simply continuing to turn toward God when you have nothing else left.
That prayer became something I could hold onto when I did not understand what was happening inside my body.
You Are More Than This Season
Maybe you found this because you are dealing with unexplained fatigue yourself.
Perhaps you are experiencing constant exhaustion, brain fog, difficulty concentrating, joint pain, low energy, or the frightening feeling that you are losing pieces of yourself.
Maybe you remember having dreams and plans, but lately simply making it through the day takes nearly everything you have.
Please do not ignore serious or persistent physical symptoms. Health changes, breathing problems, cognitive changes, extreme fatigue, and ongoing pain deserve proper medical attention and evaluation.
At the same time, I also want to speak to the part of you that may be quietly wondering whether your meaningful life is over.
A difficult health season does not erase your purpose.
You may not be able to see the road ahead right now. You may not understand why your body has changed or when things will begin improving.
God still sees you in the middle of it.
He sees the frustration, the fear, the exhaustion, and the dreams you have temporarily had to lay down.
Resting does not mean your purpose has disappeared.
Struggling does not mean God has forgotten you.
This Was Not the End of My Story
At the lowest point of this journey, I could not see what was coming next.
I only knew that I was tired of being tired.
I wanted my mind back. I wanted energy again. I wanted to create again. I wanted to feel connected to my purpose instead of watching life move forward while I struggled to keep up.
What I did not know was that I was getting very close to a turning point.
Something was about to change.
The next part of this story is about the day I began noticing that change, and how something seemingly small became the beginning of a very different chapter in my health journey.
So if you are currently wondering whether you will ever feel like yourself again, stay with me through this series.
Your current season does not get to write the final chapter.
There is still hope ahead, and sometimes the beginning of change arrives when you least expect it.
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If you liked this post, you may also find this helpful: Depression Can Hit Even When You’re Close to God
Remember my friend… It’s Time to Get Your Hopes Up!
~ Bobbi
